Goals. Everyone has them. They are what drives us to live our dreams, accomplish things we thought we couldn’t, and help keep us accountable. The past few weeks I have been forced to not only evaluate my current fitness goals, but to set new ones. It is no secret that in the past year I have managed to gain back every pound of what I originally lost. I stepped back on the scale and a big blue number of 242 stared back at me. Ten pounds less than my heaviest ever. Talk about an epiphany. I was hurt, I was disappointed, I was angry, and I was scared. That number is a direct reflection of the choices I have made and the goals I have chosen not to work towards. A lot of people will say to not focus on the scale and to just look in the mirror. It is appalling to look in the mirror at times and even my workout clothes are too small for me now. Major wakeup call.
I’m not happy with where I am right now. I’m heavy. I’m sluggish. I’m quite miserable. I’m sad. What do I do with my feelings? I eat them. And the more I eat, the worse I feel. Then, after eating so much, my stomach makes it almost impossible to get out and exercise. Sitting on the couch sounds much more inviting. My goals for the year are just collecting dust.
This past spring I was able to PR my half marathon and break my (so-thought) lofty goal of breaking the 30 minute 5k mark by running it in 28:36. I was on the right track. I was able to run 8 whole miles without walking. I was unstoppable. But I got comfortable. Clothes at Banana Republic and Gap fit me right. My belly didn’t completely pooch out, and my arms had definition. And I threw it all away. But you know what? I may be pretty low right now but slowly and surely I’m crawling back up. The fighter in me isn’t going down without a fight.
I think the thing that have hit me the hardest this week and forced me to make new goals for myself was me attempting to clear out some of my PhotoStream pics from my iPhone and seeing so many “skinny pictures” of myself back towards the beginning of the year. I was in a good place then. No sucking in my belly, no worrying about how I looked in photos, just pure bliss. Now that will get your head in the right spot.
So, where to start? I have talked to a few people in the last couple of weeks about getting back on track and legit starting from scratch since I’m so far gone and that is basically what has to happen. I also thought about potential rewards for hitting milestone marks in this weight loss journey. Literally having something to work towards other than self satisfaction can totally make a difference. With the help of my friends, family, bloggers, and any other form of support, I’m going to make it happen. Watch me. I’m also clearing out my old goals tab on the blog and adding my new goals and will update every week with weekly weigh ins.
>Run one mile
>Run 2 miles
>Run 3 miles
>Run 5 miles
>Run a 10k
>Run a 15k
>Run an entire half marathon
>Complete an entire marathon
>Ride 50 miles in one sitting on my bike
>Run a mile in under 8 minutes
>Learn to do a manly push up
>Benchpress more than 100 pounds
>Hit 220 lbs (Reward: Go see a movie NOT at the Dollar Theater)
>Hit 210 lbs (Reward: Manicure)
>Under 200 lbs (Reward: One hour massage from a professional)
>Hit 194 lbs (lowest ever) (Reward: New DSLR camera for blogging)
>Hit 179 goal weight (Reward: A Lilly Pulitzer dress to show off my new body)
>Have a fat percentage less than 35%
>Be confident enough to run in a sports bra and shorts
Boom. There you have it. Have I lost my mind? Am I capable of completing these things? I suppose time will tell. But let me just say that weight loss is a very personal thing and making this public takes guts for me. Any advice I am more than welcome to soak in. Weight loss is truly a lifetime battle. I thought I had it figured out when I was able to get my weight down to 195 but I got comfortable and am now sitting at 242. It happens but this weight is not going to defeat me. I ain’t got nothing to fear but fear itself.