New Goals

Goals.  Everyone has them.  They are what drives us to live our dreams, accomplish things we thought we couldn’t, and help keep us accountable.  The past few weeks I have been forced to not only evaluate my current fitness goals, but to set new ones.  It is no secret that in the past year I have managed to gain back every pound of what I originally lost.  I stepped back on the scale and a big blue number of 242 stared back at me.  Ten pounds less than my heaviest ever.  Talk about an epiphany.  I was hurt, I was disappointed, I was angry, and I was scared.  That number is a direct reflection of the choices I have made and the goals I have chosen not to work towards.  A lot of people will say to not focus on the scale and to just look in the mirror.  It is appalling to look in the mirror at times and even my workout clothes are too small for me now.  Major wakeup call.

I’m not happy with where I am right now.  I’m heavy.  I’m sluggish.  I’m quite miserable.  I’m sad.  What do I do with my feelings?  I eat them.  And the more I eat, the worse I feel.  Then, after eating so much, my stomach makes it almost impossible to get out and exercise.  Sitting on the couch sounds much more inviting.  My goals for the year are just collecting dust.

This past spring I was able to PR my half marathon and break my (so-thought) lofty goal of breaking the 30 minute 5k mark by running it in 28:36.  I was on the right track. I was able to run 8 whole miles without walking.  I was unstoppable. But I got comfortable.  Clothes at Banana Republic and Gap fit me right.  My belly didn’t completely pooch out, and my arms had definition.  And I threw it all away.  But you know what?  I may be pretty low right now but slowly and surely I’m crawling back up.  The fighter in me isn’t going down without a fight.

I think the thing that have hit me the hardest this week and forced me to make new goals for myself was me attempting to clear out some of my PhotoStream pics from my iPhone and seeing so many “skinny pictures” of myself back towards the beginning of the year.  I was in a good place then.  No sucking in my belly, no worrying about how I looked in photos, just pure bliss.  Now that will get your head in the right spot.

So, where to start?  I have talked to a few people in the last couple of weeks about getting back on track and legit starting from scratch since I’m so far gone and that is basically what  has to happen.  I also thought about potential rewards for hitting milestone marks in this weight loss journey.  Literally having something to work towards other than self satisfaction can totally make a difference.  With the help of my friends, family, bloggers, and any other form of support, I’m going to make it happen.  Watch me.  I’m also clearing out my old goals tab on the blog and adding my new goals and will update every week with weekly weigh ins.

Goals

Fitness Related
>Run one mile
>Run 2 miles
>Run 3 miles
>Run 5 miles
>Run a 10k
>Run a 15k
>Run an entire half marathon
>Complete an entire marathon
>Ride 50 miles in one sitting on my bike
>Run a mile in under 8 minutes
>Learn to do a manly push up
>Benchpress more than 100 pounds

Weight Related
>Hit 220 lbs  (Reward: Go see a movie NOT at the Dollar Theater)
>Hit 210 lbs  (Reward: Manicure)
>Under 200 lbs  (Reward: One hour massage from a professional)
>Hit 194 lbs (lowest ever) (Reward: New DSLR camera for blogging)
>Hit 179 goal weight (Reward: A Lilly Pulitzer dress to show off my new body)
>Have a fat percentage less than 35%
>Be confident enough to run in a sports bra and shorts

Boom.  There you have it.  Have I lost my mind?  Am I capable of completing these things?  I suppose time will tell.  But let me just say that weight loss is a very personal thing and making this public takes guts for me.  Any advice I am more than welcome to soak in.  Weight loss is truly a lifetime battle.  I thought I had it figured out when I was able to get my weight down to 195 but I got comfortable and am now sitting at 242.  It happens but this weight is not going to defeat me.  I ain’t got nothing to fear but fear itself.

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25 thoughts on “New Goals

  1. You rock, my friend! You are a fighter, strong willed and can absolutely do anything you set your mind to! Big cheers from this sideline. Stay focused. And seriously, let me know if you need any help!

    • That’s a great idea, Lisa! When I lost 57 pounds the first time, I had a specific date since I was in a very public weight loss program and knew that it would be on television so I worked twice as hard to get the job done in that set time. Thanks for the great advice!

    • Thank you, Samantha! It is great to share the boat with someone! I would definitely encourage anyone to set rewards for their goals. Not only do rewards make you work harder, but they also give you so much enjoyment once you receive them!

    • Specific goals help me remember exactly what I’m working for. And big goals require lots of small goals so I always feel much more accomplished when working towards my big goal! Thanks for the comment!

  2. You know what you want. And you have laid it all out there. Now the work starts and you just have to take it day-by-day and go do it. You have made the progress before, so you know how to do! I know you can and will! And those are some pretty fantastic rewards for motivation. Looking forward to following your journey!

    • Laid it ALL out there. You are so right-it is definitely a day-by-day thing and I have to keep reminding myself to focus on the baby steps and not get too ahead of myself. So thankful to have you and so many HTC teammates rooting for me!

  3. Kudos to you for putting it all out there and being completely honest. You have beaten it before and we all know you can do it again!! You have wonderful goals with very special rewards waiting for you as you cross each and every one of those goals. You need to know you are an inspiration to many, myself included!!! I’m going to be writing down goals myself and rewards and getting myself back into the swing of things to lose weight and be healthy again. I failed to work towards losing weight after our health challenge was up this spring and I plan to get myself signed up for it again in January to have a little extra motivation!! I look forward to hearing of all your progress!!!

    • Being honest is way better than only telling half the story. Weight loss is a very raw subject so by sugar coating it, I won’t get anywhere. It is motivating to know that I have done it before and that I am capable of obtaining certain goals. I’m so humbled that you call me an inspiration…definitely don’t see myself as one. Please write down your goals…I’d love to hear about them! I was right there with you about the health challenge being up then slipping back into old habits. YOU CAN DO THIS. I’ll be with you, girl!

  4. I am really proud of you for writing this. And you are probably going to be very surprised when I type this but I was very much the same as you 7 years ago. I would get in the cycle of not eating healthy and then trying to get “back on track” – only to feel upset with myself that I ate so much food & junk before….so I would go off track because I was angry with myself. And it was a CYCLE I COULD NOT PUT AN END TO. And I was constantly depressed about it. Yes – bubbly ME was depressed. So if you ever want to talk/gchat/email/text let me know because I have been there.

    If there was one tip I could give you, it’s I finally have realized there is no good or bad food. The hardest part is trying to figure out your hungry cues again. Because I was so used to eating only when I was emotional – not real hunger.

    Anyway, I am proud of you. And it is going to be a hard journey, but YOU ARE WORTH IT. And sometimes you have to take two steps back, to move one step forward.

    • Why do you always know just what to say? I would never have believed that 7 years ago you were in my shoes! It is such a vicious cycle and can make someone feel great or feel awful about themselves. But the cycle won’t end until we are ready for it to end and allow it to end. Can’t believe YOU were depressed! Jocelyn, it is so encouraging to hear that you get this. I was/am the queen of emotional eating and have such an awful relationship with food (future blog post). Thanks for your awesome kind words. Text me sometime, sister!

  5. Kelsey,

    I am sure that this post took a lot of courage to write and publish for the whole world to see. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings about the place you are in right now. Many people can relate to your situation. I admire that you remained positive in this post. I’m pretty sure that the outlook you have can only be beneficial yourself and others. It seems like you have tons of support! I am so excited for all the fantastic things you have coming your way!!!

    • LAYNE! My sweet friend! It took a lot of courage, but putting it all out there is what helps keep me accountable. I hope that people can read this and relate and know that they are worth it and they can do anything they dream about! Thanks for loving me!

  6. Yay for the goals and the fantastic rewards. What a great idea. Really impressed with your courage in putting this out on the internet…I’m sure that everyone reading it wants you to succeed and is on your side. We can’t wait to see the updated photos!

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